April 1, 2025 — Columbus, OH — In a bold and completely serious move, Compton Construction has announced the grand opening of the nation’s first indoor-outdoor Cat Bar Park, where cocktails, catnip, and community collide.
Located in the heart of Columbus, this feline-forward bar concept features retractable walls, a lush landscaped patio with waterfalls, trees, and sun-warmed stone paths — all crawling with adoptable cats. Guests can enjoy locally crafted cocktails while sharing a booth with a snoozing tabby, or order a charcuterie board only to find a curious calico already taste-testing the brie.
“We saw a gap in the market,” said Blake Compton, founder and visionary behind the build. “Dog bars are everywhere. But where’s the wine-sipping cat lover supposed to unwind with a Maine Coon and a negroni?”
The custom-designed space includes catwalks (literal ones), nap pods, and scratching post columns. A fully enclosed “VIP — Very Important Paws” lounge offers bottle service for humans and gourmet tuna tastings for cats. Patrons are encouraged to dress in business casual or “whisker formal.”
Rumors of a “meowtini hour” and surprise cat yoga sessions have already drawn a waiting list. And yes, every table comes with lint rollers.
Compton Construction reportedly collaborated with local feline therapists and landscape designers to ensure an environment both stimulating and soothing — for humans and cats alike.
This being April 1st, skeptics have questioned the project’s legitimacy. But Compton insists the concept is 100% real — pending funding from a mysterious investor known only as “Mr. Whiskers.”
Stay tuned for job postings. The bartender must love cats. Seriously.
